Log in

I Hate Your Face.
[Most Recent Entries] [Calendar View] [Friends]

Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in shu's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]
Tuesday, September 21st, 2004
4:09 am
It only hurt when the car hit me.
Hmm, Wow look you're reading one of my entries. Fuck you.
Saturday, July 24th, 2004
4:24 pm
Here's the infamous review of Canibal Cow by Chris from the Rusty Nail...






Tuesday, July 13th, 2004
7:22 pm
I tried liking black people. It didn't work. How are there white people that aren't racist?

I tried liking white people; that didn't fly over so well either.

Haha, I didn't try liking Puerto Ricans.

Oh ! and you, the one that's reading this right now. You are gay.
Saturday, May 15th, 2004
3:21 pm
Your obligation
Amount too much of nothing. Hate what the majority thinks is bad. Turn your feelings against those you trust. Give it all up. There was never anything to aim for. Half ass statements keep the dream alive. Tears don't exist. Tears show you care; my eyes are dry. You were never there. Now you want to be the hero. Leave your cape at home. Don't say my name. Don't look in my direction. Don't ever say I had the chance. Make yourself feel better. Fight the truth. Who cares what reality is. Reality is loss. Loss is pain. Pain is the result of me knowing you. "Affection" my ass. Faithful, devoted, loyal? So smooth with your lies. Your memory makes me nauseuous.

Your slander. Your obligation. My vulnerability. My fault. What I call legible you call never wrote. Your influence. Your sensibility. My myth. My decline.

Yet again, last night I almost died in another car accident, it was pretty bad. All because this girls boyfriend broke up with her. Blah blah, she was crying behind the wheel, -some how- lost control and spun into my lane head on. I was traveling at the good old speed of 55 with a car now aiming towards me. Needless to say I got around her. Lucky for me and her 'cause that would have killed the bitch.

I sat there for a bit to collect myself and check to see if I had pee'd my pants or not. Glanced over and saw zero movement from this other vehicle so i got out of my van and headed over to see what was going on. A guy behind us had stoped and told me he had called the cops 'cause he thought we went boom boom. I sad, "thanks fucker we didn't." He got back in his car at that point and drove away. I walked over to the window and this little girl is sitting there with tears pouring out of her eyes. She had the window down by that point and kept saying sorry. I said it was all right and we had to get her car off of the road, she wasn't able to drive at that point so i drove her car to the side of the road. I am now sitting on a dark strech of road with a girl balling her eyes out. I attempted to calm her down, she told me her name; i told her mine, and after 10 minutes of sitting there and me blabbing away like i always do, i guess she felt comfortable? Comfortable enough to start talking about this boyfriend that broke up with her.

I actually sat and listened to this really cute hollister shirt wearing girl until siren lights rolled quietly up the road. I forgot that white guy had called them. Now this 19 year old suburban girl named Jackie with blue eyes freeks out even more because she thinks she's in trouble. We stand up off the hood of her car and waited for the pig. Her eyes start balling again, this time turning towards me and resting her head on my chest following that with an emotional bear hug? The cop came over and asked if everything was all right. I told him the story and explained to him I was going to sit with her until she was all right to drive again. He gave us back our insurance cards and drivers licenses. And said, " that's pretty weird how you guys almost hit each other." I said how is that weird? He's like, " well you both knew each other; people normally run into strangers." Me and Jackie both said, ' we didnt' know each other ' at the same time, he looked at us really funny and he told us to be careful getting home. Well, after he had asked me if i had been drinking at all that night.

So if anything that was a huge part of my night. It sticks out too much to go untold to the one person that reads this and she's not on right now.

Good thing i didn't try and get this girls number or anything though.

Oh and my nintendo doesn't work ! The red light keeps blinking, isn't it supposed to just stay red??
Friday, May 7th, 2004
4:14 am
Hmm, I almost died three seperate times driving home tonight. This steady stream of alcohol and coke in the system has proven to not be so healthy. I was told to just find new friends. I searched for new friends; that failed miserably haha. Our fucking c.d's arrived today and are all in that professional wrap shit that makes them hard to open. Buy one? Eh, why not? You have to be semi-curious as to how it sounds. I guess you don't have to be. Once again i'm talking to no one.

How do you know when you find the girl you should be with? All the girls that aren't stupid bitches, that have intelligence and personality are into girls. Ever notice how talking about girls if you are a guy is gay? Yet if you're a guy and you aren't talking about girls, you're gay. [[ drunk train of thought now shifting ]] Oh my bad i mean ' emo '. Fuck all of you, everyone is looking for a girl to be with regardless if it is only for a one night stand or a one month stand or a life time stand. Questions about girls are just something i've never thought to ask. I took everything for granted, and look at where that has gotten me. I doubt i'm even capable of loving another person. I'd just like for someone to explain to me what is ' normal ', what should happen, and how.

When i read what i write i see how bad of a person i truely am. With what i see as only a year or two left. Most peope complete certain tasks that may not even stand out. They'll work on figuring out what something means by asking questions. They'll pretend to meet that special girl and do everything right. And then poof. It's all over. People with less stories live longer. People with less stories want to live longer. I've got too many stories. Half of which I will never repeat. Not to cheer death on but why wouldn't i be next? Look at my life, now look at yours. Look at all the responsibility in which you hold? eh, now look at mine. I drink a lot, yay, that means if i ever have a kid i'll just be another dead beat father. Gee, i really want that. I'm mainly writting this to myself. You really shouldn't be reading this. This is just the only way this intoxicated asshole can record his thoughts all hopped up.

[ deleted even more pointless babble here ]

[ wrote something that will never come true here ]

[ Made fun of the fact nothing i have wrote tonight has made any sense here ]

[ Said some weird crap (on going theme) here ]

[ should have kept what i wrote here cause i used big words ]

[ got back on that girl subject, the what is wrong with me question this time here. ]

[ gave up on life here ]
Monday, April 26th, 2004
12:21 am
And when i say lets keep in touch... i really mean
Restless explanations explaining what? Me forfeiting a game i'm not even in. Judgment on myself sucks. I'm an idiot, i couldn't prevent the bad decisions. I couldn't and i couldn't, blah. I've failed life. haha. Please deject this from your memory don't look back on a date and associate it to me. The happy side of my brain is hostile. I myself thrive on ridicule. I forgot about writers block. Fuck you. I hate you. I actually don't know who, ' you ' would be. But i'm sure if you read this you'll think it's you cause it says you. So seriously get over yourself because I don't think of anyone but myself. Moving on. This is even boring me. Live journal Sucks. Our c.d's are going to be coming back in a week or two but i'm sure none of you will buy one. That is my forecast, you are all faggets. Die.
Wednesday, April 21st, 2004
12:09 am
-Commentary takes away the feeling of being alone.-
"No, because, shu...you're SHU...u dont have feelings for girls...u dont have girlfriends like me...u only have girls that r like u...or that have ten million tattoos and piercings, and names that they werent born with and shit like that....u "go out" with girls that u leave in a matter of weeks"

"u get bored...and im not interesting..im not a prostitute, i couldnt wow u with the amount of fights ive been in"

"i dont have multi-colored hair...im not racist...i like what I like not what u try to impress upon me and i dont call myself "punk"...so, ive failed u...what i am to u..is a challege..nothing more"
Tuesday, April 6th, 2004
12:14 pm
No matter how smart you get. Three months from the present you always look back and say wow i was an idiot.

< Enter more captivating words here >

Go and sign up a name on my bands message board. The end.
Wednesday, February 18th, 2004
12:15 am
Glue for Displacement.
Little did i know. Or little did i care. I'm maturing now and it hurts. I need a second job in the morning or at night. Somebody find me one.
Monday, February 2nd, 2004
2:07 am
Subtle Destruction.
Matt Shu's new personal quirk; being told what he prefers. Repugnance level -- reading high. To the wonderful people that have voiced "his" decision before reaching one himself. Thanks, but no thanks.

Turns out, people have figured me out all wrong. This is due to either their own ignorance or idiocy. Second chances aren't worth it -- as proven. Stop making me out to be that. I'm not that. I never was. Turns out, people don't listen or read. People don't pick up on sarcasm, understanding or jokes. Everyone believes in themselves to the extent they block out the world. Listen to what people around you are saying. Fucking listen to what i'm saying. Your eyes are pointed in the right direction; yet, there is nothing going on behind them. Eh, look at me i'm selfish, petty, and self centered. I am all of the above, correct? If you circled D, never position yourself in my sight again.

I am aware of the role i played. A reputation sporadically developed over time influenced generously by that "role". There are mistakes i'd like to go back and change. There are even people i wish i would have talked to. Yes, can you believe it, me being social. Haha. What a fucking surprise. All this time i thought i was social. And then to be informed i'm not, what a rude awakening. I hate everyone ! (But, i'm nice to you and all of your friends.) Makes sense when it's not in writting huh?

Please don't waste your breath any further...
Friday, January 9th, 2004
2:11 am
Reckless Diversions.
Lets begin from the end.  Drunk and bewildered unexpectedly crossing paths once again. In other words, premeditated failure -- the luck I hold strong.  Branded to your side the new boyfriend, age observation 39. Supposedly 22. Balding, faint hand shake and posture slightly subverted. Bare personality, stomach extended, whilst brazen in lack of thought. Over looking her exquisiteness i'm still failing to comprehend her adornment to this creature. They kiss.

Skin soft on make-up, hair snuggled back. Her delicate green eyes innocently fall short in catching every movement. Jeans tastefully agreeing with her shirt floating above an exercised stomach. As positions change her smooth flawless arms swing around once more, landing back on swamp thing.

"How have you been?", she asks.  A delay in thought or i'd rather not lie. Generally i'd answer quick but those words felt cold. The distance in her voice inoffensive yet she's admitted to not being part of my life anymore. Defective toys injure children, i've been left with a defective heart. The only child hurt here is me.

The conversation drowned itself in haze.  Rapidly gaining speed, steering quick to stay in control, we're bad drivers, our thoughts buckled.  We saw each others differences even clearer now. After being well aware they existed for four years, patience allowed us to grow.  Never would I have second guessed our friendship.  We questioned deeper feelings that grew quite evident and we followed that by losing perception. 

Molested by the thoughts of being so much more.  Separated between a misunderstanding. Her house wasn't meant to be the detour. Intensified words erupted, as i attempted to speak -- i was silenced. Sketching the similarities, underlying the betrayal. Humor ran dry that night. The softness of her hair calmly caressed the steady breeze. Her eyes beamed an increasing fury. Adjusting to my belittlement i encouraged myself to return to the car. An incurable lose sank in, glancing forward i drove away.

Sometimes you have to set the story line yourself. Predictable maybe, but it's what i'd rather read.

February 22, 1926, at the Earl Carroll Theater located in New York, NY, during the Prohibition era Earl filled a bath tub full of champagne. A Female Model lacking clothes faithfully lifted her leg, entered the tub and sank neck deep as men filled their cups. Earl was later sentenced to a year and one day in prison along with a $2,000 dollar fine. A champagne tub just so happened to be the perfect place to stage an orgy. Not only did he plead there was no wine in the tub that night he suffered a nervous breakdown on his way to the penitentiary. His new roommates were ordered never to talk of or say the word bathtub in his presence.

Twenty-Six years later and one day, my father was born. His name is not Earl. As time pasted, he grew to see his teenage years where he employed himself at a box factory. Unknowingly, I have followed in his footsteps now being currently employed by the United Parcel Service. He eventually met my mother. Mother was delivered on the twenty-second of November in the 50's. She also grew and aged at the same rate as my father did. Now having both escaped their wonder years they get married and have children.

At first they hatched a girl. If this tiny bundle of vomit and shit wasn't enough I was now on my way. If only someone would have informed these two that in 1923 Marie Stope a doctor of Philosophy stressed birth control was essential to marital joy. "There can be no happiness," she said, "if sexual expression was curtailed by fear of parenthood, or if flocks of unplanned children occurred as a result of normal lovemaking." Poof Here I am. Another indiscreet -- "Oop's". Like you and I we now share a likeness.

( only 343 pages left. )
Sunday, January 4th, 2004
3:26 am
Everybodies got one.
Meanwhile back at the bar. Can you believe what they are talking about? Nah me neither.

What just happened? Why doesn't that make any sense? Maybe it holds deeper meaning. Wait, I'll give you a hint -- it doesn't ! I shouldn't write any further than this. The previous statement exists for the fact i have nothing else to say. This continued thought process that has contained nothing, was to state the obvious. After the obvious had been stated I reasoned out my decision. After the decision, i felt the need to clarify. Seeing as how i have clarified my reasoning on stating the obvious i will now move on.

Moving on was a bad idea. I forgot i had nothing to move on to.

With these many pills you can make anything you want talk. [Translation : I still don't have anything to write.] Who are you to blame society ? [ ...still nothing ] I miss you and i'm sorry [ nada ] Breathing can be a burden. [ ...on to something ] .

Do you think Good Charlotte wants to be just like any of us yet? [ do not answer.. ]

This entry sort of made sense.
Thursday, January 1st, 2004
4:35 pm
Manipulate this joystick.
Go write entries for your stupid blog that nobody reads. Do you find that offensive? Do you truely believe you make sense? Why inform me on never making sense when i'm not attempting to? As i've said in the past I am a complete fake, you in reality are the weird one.

None of my entries make sense. I'll pretend to give a shit. Okay well maybe I won't, it was the thought that counted though.

Wow. Look at that -- yet another unintelligible entry making zero sense to you. Holy shit now that wasn't predictable.

[pull my finger]
Tuesday, December 30th, 2003
1:49 am
Exhibition hurts.
Downforthecount. Crap on the mooon. Arf shit fauck. Lick lineers.

Randomness hurts. No point in trying. Positivity fades to failure. Make it a point to. Never forget to. Don't ever. Try not to. You should. Maybe later. Then again. Why should i?

Always care. Always be there. Always know you're alone. Don't forget. Remeber the little things. Ignore them. Play dead. Walk the other way. Don't fight. Talk it out. In other words. Listen to them. Follow her. Make pretend. Imagine the truth. Hide your pain.

Don't be late. Don't drink and drive. Don't smoke. Don't eat that. Here smell this. You have to taste this. What money? Fill it up. Spill it out. Please don't touch that. Dogs not allowed. You have to pay for that. Leave a tip. Pay that ticket. You're under arrest.

Are we there yet? Does it fit? Can you reach that? Can you open this? What does this say? How do you say that? Why would you say that? How could you? How could I? I can't believe you. I can. I'm all. I'm less. I'm more. I'm nothing. I'm not the dad. I am the dad. I'm sorry.

That philosopher was definitly a thinker. Unscientific hostillity hurts. Super-natural objects save a lot of money on food. You hate my guts. You don't want to be my friend.
Tuesday, December 23rd, 2003
12:33 am
A multi-megaton touch.
"Their logic and their fanaticism will make them act in a perfectly determined manner. Is that correct?"

The pages ripped. Chapter Seven's not even part of the story anymore. I've read this book for years, the only that thing has grown old is me. Words and future events you can fool yourself into forgetting will never leave your mind. It's so easy to pick out what everyone else does wrong in the movies. It's easy to rewrite a paragraph or two to make that character relate to you. I'm tired of the fabricated thoughts feeding my brain.

This is all for what i believe to be the only escape. One that won't let me down. That person that always changed plans on me. That had always kept me informed on being a failure. That person that made me do and say the things that have hurt people in the past. And most importantly allow what is now today, be nothing.

You've reached your arms out for help. You've expressed yourself through voice. You've given the permission to open your heart. Why would someone shut any of that out?... They may believe you have strength and are capable of pulling through. They may not be sure you're directing that towards them. They may not even want to be bothered by you. This whole world is a mixed signal.

I'm a mixed signal. What and who am I? I'm only a fictional character created for the pure essence of not being bored. As far as i know i don't exist. People that associate with me skip over my existence whilst mentioning their previous weeks story.

I've never followed through with the happy life. I doubt i ever will. I want the anger back. But there is nothing for me to be mad at, nor was there ever. I miss the hate i had towards people i had no reason behind disliking. "What happened to you?" I'm glad this is no longer the question. The answer is i was what happened to you. I'm the reason we're not friends. The outcome for me has now hurt the worse.
Thursday, December 18th, 2003
1:46 am
Belligerent ramble justifying not only my existence but yours as well. My touch you forgot years before we met. Do you remember my voice? What i've told you in the past? Or the last place we've gone together? Hopefully not. Memories that include me aren't anything great. Everyone goes through a down point in their life, mine has lasted 21 years. Nothing wrong with that, right? It is o.k to say no. The word "no" is more compelling in conversation than yes. Words are easy to adjust, so use the word no, no only leads to something better.

Still we have nothing resolved. What once was unconditional has now expired. I'm not here to prove who I am, the essence of life, or what you and I once were. Although i can present you with words that may suggest there was more meaning than we knew at the time. Attempt failed: Abort.

Uncovering a rabid minds thoughts. I guess i didn't mean much to you. Suspicion finds its way around the feeble and back to the guilty. First impressions are your hormones scuffling. The pure discovery of entering that girls mind accomplished something. I'm just not sure as to what yet.

Christmas has now only become a day off from work. But i still love it.

So, Merry Christmas... ( me being genuine )
Friday, December 12th, 2003
1:10 am
Optional my ass. There are no options when there are no choices. Isn't it neat how you can trick your mind into believing you're doing better now than then. Maybe i'm only talking to myself. I've talked to myself on every other journal entry so why make it any different now? Corrrect. I'm the only one that understands any of this anyway. No one can associate their name with mine so there's not much mystery behind no one caring. I wish I understood ignorance six years ago. I wish I understood myself six years ago. There's a point when it is too late for a person to recover. I've past that point a long time ago.

Reassurance is still a form of lying but in most case's it's pitty. Make it a point to tell yourself you deserve more each day. Don't tell others that, they'll just move on with out you. Best friends equal pocket change. As fast as you can sit down you can and will lose it all. No one is out there for you -- I don't want to hear other wise. When I can leave, I will. I don't like being where i'm at, even mentally. The people that have made me happy have hurt me the most. The time I thought I spent so wisely has lost me years. The money I would have used i've lost. I'm a waste.

( Here i will write about how i went christmas shopping today ) ........ haha naw

That would only be a sign of a truely sad individual; especially if I had to make it a point to place the name of the person I went with.

Beer make brain numb.
Wednesday, December 3rd, 2003
1:15 am
I should have never cared about life, family or friends. Those mistakes have cost me. I'm glad to see you've moved on. It's a great feeling to realize now I was an idiot. I didn't know the rules or understand consequence. Once you find that other special " person " you're supposed to stop attempting to talk or hang out with previous friends. I wasn't aware of this even though i knew everyone else was doing it. Now i know the rules. If only they would have said bye before going into their relationships.

I've lost all the girls i've really liked in the past 'cause i never said " i don't have any time " to the people that asked me to hang out. Dumb ass me still drank and went to shows. Dumb ass me still talked to and hung out with the people i considered friends. Damn me for being retarded.

It sounds like i made the correct choices, right? Naw they weren't even close. I've never turned my back on anyone. Everyone has turned their back on me. Negative words associating me with what they'd consider an asshole. See - told ya shu, i've never stoped talking to anyone they've all stoped talking to you. It's cool to know that's not how it is anymore. I'm the nice guy now, only 5 years too late.

Sacrifice and Commitment equal the most twisted form of happiness. I apologize for ever talking to everyone of you.
Friday, November 21st, 2003
11:32 am
I'm too racist to hate people that aren't white.
Thursday, November 6th, 2003
1:24 am
I'm not this person anymore.
[ << Previous 20 ]
About LiveJournal.com